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Recent Movie Reviews

ELEPHANT: episode 1 ELEPHANT: episode 1

Rated 4.5 / 5 stars

Masterpiece of Starkness

This cartoon is sick, to say the least. The idea of all the balls being manufactured to different specs, and then the one random 8 ball that has a human body get's hunted throughout the system... that's a trip. Overall this movie is very creative and the creators have the talent to back it up.

I won't forget I won't forget

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars

What the...

If you've read my past reviews, I may have come off as a pompous, bitter, hateful hardass with a delirious joy for putting down people's submissions.

But this may prove you all wrong.

I don't think I fully get the jist of this animation... in fact I'm sure I don't. But I can say that it was thoughtful, and expressive for many reasons. Mainly because the theme is easily understood: girl outlives robot, because robots don't die.

For this reason I felt that this animation has something that many of the sublimating ejaculates on newgrounds don't... meaningfulness, a sense of purpose that is effectively communicated to the viewer.

The saying at the end is also very strong and personifies the emotional theme of this animation, it is not drastically and needlessly cheesy to the point of giblet refurgitation, which is a common trait of anything made by asians.

Good job, I'm impressed.


Snow-Studios responds:

Alot of people say I'm asian, I'm not. I'm scottish. :D

Days of Duty Days of Duty

Rated 4 / 5 stars

Doodie does it again!

Amazing. Doodie man is the hero of the 21st century. Finally a cartoon that has Bush being shitted on! The cameo by Howard Stern was a bit much, and so was the Diebold/Halliburton flag at the end, but I was still shitting myself at that point so much that I didn't really care.

Good job. F*ck the FCC, it stands for F*ggotry Council of C*ck-mongers.


Recent Game Reviews

Russian Affairs Russian Affairs

Rated 1.5 / 5 stars

Good attempt at a half assed game.

This game was really amazing as it started out. I thought at first that this wasn't the typical defecated excrement that is so prolific on New Grounds.

Graphics were tight and I can see you spent a long time making them look so good. I was impressed by the walking the character does, and the level of detail in some of the background objects.

The Metal Gear style soundtrack was good.

Map layout was somewhat simple yet effective. There should have been objects to be used for cover, and possibly a limit to bullet rations and a way to collect ammo.

The weapons are fired, and loaded SOMEWHAT realistically.
These are the proper steps to reloading a mag with a typical semi-automatic weapon

* The empty or partially loaded mag is removed.
* Weapon is cocked to remove the round in the chamber, unless all rounds have been fired. This is the step where reality and gaming enter grey area, so I'll let it slide.
* The loaded mag is inserted.
* Weapon is cocked to resume firing.

But at least you showed basic knowledge.

There is (in gameplay at least) no sideways shooting, and no unrealistic weapon characteristics that allow you to make one handed sniper-pistol head shots from 10 kilometres away. For that I commend you, that is one thing I pick up in every video game or movie. Good job on that, it shows that you know what you're talking about, or that somebody at least researched that aspect well enough to make a convincing product. That's attention to detail lads.

It got kinda messed up with the controls and gun battles...

It was almost pointless gunfighting in this game. For one thing, when I was shot standing up, it didn't seem to do much, or the enemies missed completely, but when I was crouched and made a smaller target of myself they could wax my ass with one shot? I don't know if that's laziness, stupidity, or lack of programming skill. Take your pick.

What the fuck were you thinking? Who was smoking the crack when you were testing this game? Why would you waste such a strong effort on the graphics and plot development to make a smooth moving game that sucks to play?

This game could have been way better if you focused more on your gameplay instead of standing in front of the mirror with your Tom Cruise dirty sanchez aviators pointing both your nines around sideways reaffirming to yourself that you have big enough "pipes" to wear a cut off shirt and sport the kind of goatee a queer-bitch or Fred Durst might have.

So close, yet so far away. You still suck. A game has to be engaging to play, or else all it's pretty graphics and sounds go down the toilet, like you should have when you were born in your mother's anus.


Quibble Race Quibble Race

Rated 2.5 / 5 stars


Your graphic style and skill is pretty darn good, no problems there. Everything was smooth, crisp, and you know exactly what your style is all about.

Aside from being a sort of gambling game, interactivity is pretty decent, for the genre. Even though i find gambling in real life to be a retard's activity.

Not bad.


Divine Intervention pt. 1 Divine Intervention pt. 1

Rated 5 / 5 stars


Fucking excellent guts and blood!